A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just invented taco cereal.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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