no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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