OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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