Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
