I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
