I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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