I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
