Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i out mim tonsoeep
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