My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
