I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I love you. Go after that dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
