dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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