I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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