So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
