hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
