so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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