i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
