i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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