I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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