But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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