It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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