They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
