yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
