Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
