Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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