last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
