yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
