Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
