We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
