We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
