I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
