I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
