Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
