I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
