Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
