Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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