umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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