I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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