I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Say something about gay babies.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize