I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
