It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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