I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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