he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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