i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
