singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
