My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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