Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
