i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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