Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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