wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
