Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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